What message is your behavior sending?
If you consider your behavior to be a language, what message are you sending? The purpose of behavior is to get what we want. Reality therapists, such as Robert Wubbolding, go a step further and say that your behavior is your attempt to influence the world to get what you want. Does your behavior match what you are feeling or trying to accomplish? I frequently find myself unconsciously shaking my head up and down to signify my acceptance of a waiter or waitress while I am saying no to a question they just asked me about my order. You may not be successful in influencing the world if your behavior is contradicting what you are trying to say or accomplish. In my case, although I was well intentioned in trying to convey support for the waiter, I often end up with something else than what I thought I ordered.
A key point is that it does not matter how well intentioned you are if your behavior is saying something else. Behaving in a manner that does not support your goals is an example of where you are sabotaging your spiritual growth. Think how much you can accomplish if your behavior actually supports your spiritual goals. Dr Phil is famous for asking client “ How is that working for you?” By asking yourself the same question and changing you behavior appropriately you can dramatically improve your rate of personal and spiritual growth.
What message are you getting from others?
It can be helpful to truly focus on whom you are talking to. Listen not only to the words but also take in the body language of the person you are talking with. Do you see or hear any conflicts in what they are communicating? How does the person’s behavior in the past support what they are saying? I have several friends who tell me that they will meet me somewhere at a specific time but they are never on time. Their behavior is telling me not to trust what they are saying and I am unlikely to be accommodating for them. Do you think that others trust what you are saying? Do you think that you could have more meaningful and enriching relationships if your behavior was in line with what you are trying to communicate?
What message are you sending God?
Do your actions support what you pray about? How would you feel if you could see yourself from God’s perspective? Your rate of spiritual growth is dependent on how well you can synchronize your intentions, thoughts, feeling and behavior. No matter how many times you call upon God, it won’t matter if your behavior does not support your prayer request. This principle is true regardless of your definition of God or how spirituality works. For example, if you believe solely in the laws of nature, no matter how many times you think that you are losing weight, you will not lose weight until you burn off more calories than you consume. If you are a believer in the Law of Attraction, manifesting will not work if your behavior is leading you towards a different vibration that what you were intending.
If you want to get somewhere fast in your car, you don’t want to apply the brakes at the same time you are hitting the gas pedal. The same is true for spiritual growth. Your behavior can act as a brake slowing down your rate of spiritual growth. Examine your behavior as a language so that you can better identify when your behavior is slowing you down.
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Project-Spirit is devoted to analyzing and discussing the factors that influence an individual’s rate of spiritual growth. Skills exist that can be learned & developed to enhance spiritual growth regardless of which spiritual tradition is followed. This site provides information on how those skills can be developed within the unique context of an individual’s life.
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Good post. I really want my partner to know that I am present for him but often find myself playing an mindless computer game while he is talking to me. This reminds me that I’m probably sending a mixed message.
Like this. I have found that observing the behavior of others can be helpful to awareness of behavior that I need to change. For example, observing my wife has made me realize that I need to focus more of my conversations on others through asking questions — and now I am trying to be more intentional about that, because you can’t be fully present to others when you are stuck in yourself. Thanks.
Good points.
You just have to be careful about what type of questions you ask. Are they questions that let the other person know you are listening or are they questions aimed at getting your point across? Are they open question that encourage the other person to continue talking or are they closed questions that encourage a yes or no answer and a stop in the conversation?