It is amazing how much you learn about a parent after they are gone. My mom, Anne Avegno Russell, died recently. It seemed as if everybody I talked to knew something about my mom that I didn’t. What struck me most about what I heard is the effect that she had on others. One of my friends even wrote an editorial article for the American Spectator, Anne With the Saints, about her.
Several unexpected people shared with me how my mom was instrumental in changing how they looked at life. She did this not as part of a job or out of a sense of religious obligation, but by simply being herself. Her presence seemed to have encouraged people to feel welcome around her. From that welcoming space, these individuals sensed a new dynamic to life and they were changed. Her presence seemed to say that each moment, no matter how mundane, had the potential to be magical beyond all belief.
I find myself reflecting often now on my own presence and the effects that I may be having on others. Am I seen as an energy vampire who seems to drain everybody I come in contact with? Or do I have more of an uplifting effect? I guess it depends on when you catch me and who you ask.
I am positive that my mom had no idea of the effects that she had on other people and that she rarely changed based on what other people thought of her. It is important that I develop my presence not based on the feedback that I get from others but instead based on my concept of spirituality. I can use how people react to me as information about how well I am living out my spirituality as long as their opinions do not become my defining measure.
The presence that I bring to every movement can become my spiritual practice. A more important question to ask myself might be: “ What type of presence do I want to have?” The answer will help my “being” become my response to the Biblical call to “pray without ceasing.” How my “prayer of being” develops will surely differ from how others develop their presence. We are all unique and exist in unique situations. A Christian might strive to have a presence that says “Not I but Christ.” A Rogerian counselor may want to portray unconditional positive regard. My mom chose a welcoming presence that invited a romantic love of life and the present moment.
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I have always believed that presence is powerful. I make a point to notice how if I am smiling, the people I cross paths with smile in return. Or when I have an open heart, not closed from anxiety or other negative emotions, people open up back. It is such a powerful concept and one that I am so lucky to have learned early on. It has changed my life and has given me meaning, a deeper sense of my spirituality. Though I fear, as Hugh touched on, that sometimes that spirituality is defined by the reactions of others. I open my heart and I smile so that I can receive it in return. At what point do you trust that you are purely in your moment and not altering your moment for others? Can we ever act without selfish motives?
I agree with Rachel that it can be tricky to let go of ego when cultivating loving presence. But I guess that’s why it’s called practice. Every moment or movement, as you say, is another opportunity to practice.
She lived a zestful life and her actions and words were a spring board for many. She was true in action and her courage gave others hope. Some times her actions were reactions and they were wrong, but she was never calculating. She was a survivor and at times was a bit selfish but somehow she managed to do 99% of the time what monks try a lifetime to do, she lost the “I”. These days, media, PR, the spin is what drives most of us to action. Our true service to mankind is to be entirely vested in the moment without the need to script it. “I” am shooting for 99% but Mom is a tough act to follow.